In Memory

This weekend we were abruptly reminded of a topic not at the forefront of my mind most days: those who will not be attending our wedding. Vader's grandfather passed away late Friday night, and the family will say their goodbyes this week. Grampa Bill lived a long and happy life, and he will be greatly missed by all.

Between the two of us Vader and I have grandfathers, grandmothers, and great aunts and uncles who are no longer with us and we have thought long and hard during our engagement and particularly this past weekend about how to memorialize them during our wedding ceremony. We want to celebrate their lives and the love we shared with them without weighing down the hearts of those closest to them during a (we hope) joyous occasion. Many couples before us have created various memorials to family members during their weddings, and we turned to the Internet for subtle yet meaningful suggestions.

A popular memorial is to have a single rose or other flower displayed during the ceremony for each loved one no longer with us. My sister did this at her wedding and it was very touching when the flowers were presented to the spouses of those being memorialized. However, with a giant wedding party and my wavering on whether or not we'll have programs, I fear this type of memorial would be lost in the chaos and would go unnoticed.

Several other folks have held moments of silence during the ceremony, which seems a bit somber for the occasion. Others have included jewelry for the bride or on the flowers from those being remembered, but with our crowd being overwhelmingly male that seems a little unlikely.

Cobbling together ideas from several people and magazines I've decided that we will honor those we've lost in a way that focuses on celebrating our time with them rather than mourning our time without them. Vader and I will take lessons from our families and their relationships as we begin our own family and for many decades afterwards, and we want to honor the forming of those families by featuring wedding pictures from our parents and grandparents on all of the sides.

Something like this, but all wedding pictures

 In our venue there is a grand piano that is useless except for being a surface, and during our ceremony and reception that piano will be covered with wedding pictures dating from the early 20th century to the early 21st century of weddings from my and Vader's families. We hope this display will honor the marriages and lessons we've learned from those of our family members who will be attending the wedding and will memorialize the relationships that built the foundation for ours.