ARGH

Earlier this afternoon, I got a message from the photographer I found several months ago and booked that said "blah blah, I won't be doing your wedding or engagement shoot [scheduled for a week from now], blah blah, refund."

Yes, we've got nine months, but everybody that's been recommended to me since has been booked already or costs $2000+. Since we had $500ish budgeted for wedding photography, spending more than 200% of that budget isn't going to work.

So anybody reading this who has had/been in/been to a Maine wedding recently: any affordable photographer recommendations? I'm looking for decent quality, nothing fancy, and printing rights to the photos.

Thanks!

Girlishness

I believe I've mentioned this before, but I've got a crap ton of bridesmaids. Yes, it means the wedding party will be huge. No, it doesn't mean everybody I love ended up in the wedding party. Yes, it means finding bridesmaid dresses will be a pain in the ass.

This past weekend I ventured out to the lovely town of Dedham (strip malls and more strip malls) with two bridesmaids to have a first gander at Alfred Angelo bridesmaid dresses. I'm looking to select a few styles with the same fabric and length, then let each girl choose the dress they would most like to wear of those styles. This weekend I learned that bridesmaids Irish and Cupcake (I'm kind of into inventing names for people, so hope you don't mind them girls!) look good in everything AA makes in short chiffon dresses, but they managed to pick a few favorites. Their top choice was this one:

Just kidding! Sexy as they are, they went with something a bit less reflective. Both liked mainly halter dresses with slight bust ruching. Once I've had a chance to go shopping with more of the girls I might post some overall top picks, but for now I'll keep you all in suspense. 

With the hard work done, we then went shoe shopping. And clothes shopping. And ice cream shopping. It was a great day :)

A side note: I keep looking at Pinterest wedding ideas, and have so far decided I like candy buffets, s'more bars, and ice cream sundae stations. Do you think it would be a problem if we only served dessert at the wedding as long as there are copious amounts of all of it?

A pointed conversation

Some of the difficult conversations Vader and I have shared so far in our wedding planning:

• How much can we afford to spend on a wedding? 
• What are our religious commitments (or non-commitments) to the wedding?
• How many guests is too many? Who should be cut?
• Are weapons as groomsmen gifts a bad idea?

...yes. You read that last one right. When Vader brought up the idea of personalized swords as gifts the other night over cocktails, I was 98% certain he was joking. So was he, until a Google search proved that swords are not hundreds of dollars apiece as I had originally hoped thought.

So now as we wait to progress in wedding plans over the next few months, I find myself Googling the distance to the nearest hospital from where we will be staying in Portland next summer, picturing bachelor party flesh wounds. 

I'm opening this one up to the peanut gallery. Swords: most epic gift ever or extraordinarily stupid? And more importantly, to my bridesmaids: will you ever forgive me for not matching Vader's plans and gifting you weaponry?

How much God?

As a young child, I walked down the aisle of my home church A LOT. It was usually in December, I often had tinsel lying on my head, and my processional music was usually "Angels We Have Heard on High". You see, I was a career Christmas pageant angel. During one of those walks it must have occurred to me that I would probably follow in my mom's footsteps one day down that aisle in a wedding dress. The idea lasted much longer than my angel career, and it was a big decision not to get married at the Second Congregational Church in Norway, ME. It was a bigger decision still to not get married in a church at all, and I'm still sorting through the details in my mind. 

I spent most Sundays of my early life at church, meeting new friends, participating in Sunday School activities, and loading up on coffee hour snacks. I loved the songs, I loved all the celebrations, and I loved the community I was so involved in. I say these things in the past tense only because I no longer attend church weekly, though I still love the music and community I experience on religious holidays when I'm at home in Maine. In late elementary school church led me to Pilgrim Lodge, a wonderful UCC summer camp where I would spend weeks singing, dancing, and meeting new friends from all over Maine. In early high school, the church led me to helping provide a family in need with a new, more accessible, safer house. Some of my closest friends were met through the church, and I still return to the church when I am home to open arms and encouraging words from the "church ladies." 

When I went off to college I discovered that one of my new-found friends also grew up in a UCC church, and we attended as often as we could. Though papers and problem sets prevented me from growing as attached to the Middlebury UCC community, I still enjoyed being part of the congregation. As graduation approached and more and more and more snow fell the winter of 2008/2009, this friend and I had a conversation that finally allowed me to understand clearly my own religious views. After 22 years of attending church, I realized that my religious beliefs were primarily this: I believe in God though am unsure of a lot of the "details", and I believe in the power of a loving community all working together to achieve good. Though I am reticent to attend church services by myself in Boston, I still know of the existence of the UCC network and strongly identify with that community. As such, I am religious, but rarely "show it". 

When it came time to determine the details of our wedding ceremony, Vader and I were a little stumped. An agnostic without ties to a church, he was committed to the ceremony being performed by somebody with whom we had a genuine connection, regardless of religious status. I quickly realized how impractical it would be to have the wedding in my home church, which is an hour away from the Portland reception location, and started thinking about other church options or importing a minister. Other churches are EXPENSIVE, and as I feel the most strongly about my religious connection to a close-knit community I would rather be married by someone I feel a strong connection with. Frequent turnover at my home church since I left for college means I never had time to build a close connection with any home ministers, and I found myself stretching for possible officiants. Around this time Vader suggested that we ask a mutual friend to conduct the ceremony, and with more and more time spent thinking about it I realize that having a ceremony personalized to us by people we love will make the day most memorable. 

However, the current plan in no way involves my religious upbringing. We may bring in a prayer or two, which would be a nice nod to my experience with the church. This will leave our marriage as purely a civil agreement, which in practice is all it is. In fact, when religion enters the arena of defining marriage things escalate quickly and my beliefs can easily be used in ignorance to dis-empower others. That said, I just can't help wanting more of our marriage. Is there some way that our union can be both civil and religious, without jumping through hoops?