Resolving

Over the years, I've come up with a few New Year's resolutions. They were typical lasts-three-days resolutions that I pretended to forget should anybody ask past New Year's Day. Last NYE, however, I made a resolution I thought I could keep. It was to keep it up with my dieting/exercising, and since January 1, 2012 I've knocked off another 40+ pounds, so I'll chalk that one up as a success.

This year, my resolution is simple. And do-able. My New Year's resolution for 2013 is....to get married and have a blast doing it!

When we settled on a date around Christmas 2010, I described the wedding date as "summer 2013." When we put down a deposit on the venue, thus declaring an actual date, our wedding day turned into "the July after next." This fall, it became "next summer." And now that we're on the brink of 2013 I can finally say we're getting married THIS YEAR! Or THIS SUMMER! Or IN JULY without any caveats! As you can tell, I'm pretty excited.

In other news, remember how the bridesmaids are choosing their own dress from a selection of three? Without coordinating, the dresses will be equally distributed across the bridal party! I wanted everyone to choose a dress they liked and felt comfortable in, but the mathematician in me is pretty psyched that each dress will get its presence. Now the decision that remains: if I line them up so dress types alternate will it look too contrived?

Why I would never have a winter wedding in Maine

According to plans, Vader and I would be having our engagement pictures taken right now up at his parents' house. However, this is our view:

Wintry, yes. Conducive to driving, no.

When we heard a nor'easter was heading for Maine today we rescheduled with our wonderfully flexible photographer for Saturday in the Old Port. The change was nothing more than a slight nuisance...but imagine our wedding was planned for today?! Seriously, why do people plan winter weddings in Maine?

In addition to a week loaded with relaxation, spending time with family, and sweet treats we have managed to accomplish two major wedding tasks. Task #1: obtain wedding rings! Vader's giant special order ring came in, and we picked up both bands with no trouble on our way to Maine. We even worked with the same saleslady as our not-so-fortunate time before, but the experience was easy and quick this time. We (and our cat wandering around the chilly car) were very appreciative of our speedy getaway. 

Task #2: Try on wedding dress! It fits! And looking great in it will keep me motivated to stick to the fitness plan that got me feeling good in it in the first place!

There are also some impending behind-the-scenes milestones coming up as well. They sound pretty boring from a blog perspective, but I assure you-we are quite thrilled to check them off!

Task-to-soon-be-accomplished #1: Have all the damn addresses! Who would have known that tracking down a few wanderers would take so long...

(by far the most exciting) Task-to-soon-be-accomplished #2: Hit wedding savings goal! A few months ago we sat down and determined a number that would allow us to have our part of the wedding paid for. By the end of January we will hit that number and finally be able to start saving for after the wedding. We are both very relieved to hit this point and to start building a cushion for whatever the future holds!

Now we're done, right?

It's been pretty busy around here with Christmas preparations, but  the save-the-dates are out and we hear many people have received them by now. So, without further ado, here they are!

As you can see from my fridge in the background, they are magnets, which got two very different responses. For some, it was "cool, a magnet!" For others, it was "huh, another magnet save the date." Either way we don't care, because they are hard to lose and people should be able to remember the date! Plus, I like the chalkboards. I think they may work their way into some wedding decor or photos...

After they were addressed and dropped in the mailbox, Vader exclaimed "So now we're done with wedding stuff for a few months, right?" I openly laughed in his face, and them promptly did not do a single thing for the wedding until writing this blog post. Since we are having our engagement pictures done a week from tomorrow, we had best get to coordinating outfits*!

*It's a good thing we wanted the save the dates in black and white, as Vader was wearing a bright primary colors checked shirt and I was wearing a green striped shirt. Ugh. We are shooting for less patterned next week.

Invitee breakdown

Since our save-the-dates are now all beautifully stamped, addressed, and ready to go I thought I would break down our guest list in some traditional and some not-so-traditional ways. Without further ado... 

Yes, it says Massholes. Having recently changed my residency, I choose to own the term.  Is there a better nickname for those of us in the Commonwealth?

For the single folks who have been wondering...

Could just as easily be titled "Number of couples whose wedding inspiration we have stolen and will be featured at our wedding."

In order from left to right: Family, Friends, Family Friends

Who knows that many guys named Tony?

On the left, our best-travelled-to-be save the date. On the right, the laziest.

Looking forward to chucking them all in the mailbox tomorrow!

Exciting Mail Day

Exciting Mail Item #1: Our save-the-dates were scheduled to arrive today according to UPS tracking system, and I was SO PUMPED to see how they came out! When I asked Vader for an update during my planning period, he told me they hadn't arrived. Boo.

Then, when I got home and he somehow convinced me to look at the fridge for awhile with him*, I noticed our rockin' magnet right on the front! I want our guests to enjoy the surprise, so I will wait to post them until I hear they are being opened, but here's what the box looks like:

Now all that remains between save-the-dates and our guests is the USPS. And my purchasing many stamps. And a hand cramp or two from writing all those addresses. But, I promise, you'll see them soon!

The box on top is full of beautiful colored, patterned paper for invitations from the same company. Luckily for my wallet, we already have invitation kits picked out and bought!

Exciting Mail Item #2: Christmas gifts we've ordered for people! Not at all wedding-related, but it's nice to feel like I'm on top of things. I also got Vader a form with ThinkGeek points that allows him to make Millenium Falcon-shaped ice cubes, which I believe will be premiered in a beer during football this evening.

Exciting Mail Item #3: My wedding dress! The saleslady called today and told me my dress came in, and since they are running a free shipping special it will soon be en route to Mom's house, just in time for Christmas dress-up time!

Remember that "to do" list from a few posts back? Order save-the-dates: check!


*I'm gullible. Once, in college, Bridesmaid Fairy Tale awesomely worked with Vader to surprise me in VT for Valentine's Day, and all it took for her to get me down to where he was meeting me was "Bridesmaid Cupcake wants to show us something, but she won't tell me what it is."

Honeymoons, or lack thereof

Before I launch into an explanation of our honeymoon plans, let's first review the literature on why people go on honeymoons. Trusted resources like Wikipedia, a random religious Google site, and a "answer my questions" web page of dubious credibility say that a honeymoon is for:

• Celebrating your marriage
• Getting to know each other as a couple
• Getting to know each other, period, in the case of an arranged marriage
• Visiting family abroad who couldn't come to the wedding
• Getting pregnant (the name "honeymoon" may be due to honey once being thought to increase fertility. Maybe it's all the botulism.)

Since Vader and I have known each other for thirteen years, and lived together for three and a half, there is very little new information about the other we expect to find out magically after the wedding. As a result, I think we can cross off the "getting to know each other" items from the list above. As our families haven't strayed too far to the ends of the Earth, most will be in attendance at the wedding, so we won't be making any lengthy voyages to visit foreign family members. Finally, while babies are in our future someday, not yet! 

That leaves celebrating our marriage as a honeymoon goal, and it's a darn good one. After the wedding we will take some time together to enjoy being married and to revel in the love from our friends and family.

A trip to enjoy our marriage and plan our lives, however, is not in the cards for the summer of 2013. While I will be on summer vacation from school, I hope to continue to work at least part time during the summer to generate income. Vader will be working, and we'll both take a week off before the wedding to spend time with our friends from all over the country in Maine and to coordinate last minute details. That time will likely be all that he can get off with pay, and we love the idea of our time spent together around the wedding filled with friends we rarely see all together.

Next July will also be the culmination of years' worth of planning and saving money, and the idea of adding another thing to plan and earmark the contents of the savings account for is not particularly appealing with the wedding date creeping closer. On July 14th of next summer I like the idea of sleeping for a couple of days, seeing our savings increase, and enjoying some quiet time. None of these will happen if we jet off on an adventure immediately! 

Our solution is a delayed honeymoon. We will go on a multi-day (or multi-week?) European adventure sometime during the summer of 2014 after enjoying our marriage quietly for a year. Not particularly beach-y folks, we knew we were interested in heading to Europe together, and I wanted to go to a place where I could use my quickly-fading French that neither of us had ever been before. Add our appreciation for beer and delicious, delicious waffles (here is how you make them) and our delayed honeymoon will be a trip to Belgium! I'll plan the details in my post-wedding-planning void, but right now I think it will be a mix of relaxation, exploration, and stuffing our faces around the country. If you have any Belgian travel advice, please feel free to send it along!

We aren't completely willing to give up some post-wedding togetherness luxury, and as such have booked a fancy night in a honeymoon suite at a boutique Portland hotel for the night of the wedding. After that we'll head back to Boston, enjoy each other's company for a year, and start planning our next adventure!

Choose bridesmaid dresses: check!

After several dress adventures with some lovely ladies (and a handsome groomsman), the bridesmaid dresses have been chosen! My girls are picking their dress of choice from the following:

               

The third one will be the same length as the first two, and each will be black as shown. We (and by "we" I mean "MOH Moxie and/or Mom") will add a sash to the first and third while sash is already built into the second dress. The sash color is called Petunia and looks like this: 

Junior Bridesmaid Tinkerbell has been very specific in her wants for a dress that is opposite in color from the rest of the girls, so she will likely wear one of the above dresses in Petunia with a black sash. Since Ringbearer Melmo (his adorable way of saying Elmo) really likes being naked, he may be wearing nothing but a Petunia bowtie. We'll see how things end up for the kids in the spring, lest they grow like weeds after buying their current size!

Now: how to tie the pink in with all of the groomsmen? Here are our options, let me know what you think!

Save the Date success

Our Thanksgiving weekend, though quite booked, did in fact afford us a few moments to snap some pictures for our save the dates. They are ordered (and cheaper, thanks to a black Friday deal!) and will be processed in the next week, but in the meantime I thought I would tempt you all with a few teasers.

First, remember this post? My non-photogenic tendencies flared a couple of times during this "shoot," resulting in these beauties:

                                   

When guests start receiving their save-the-dates in the mail I will share the actual document (it's a magnet!), but until then you can see two possible versions. 

Version 1: The there's-no-way-I'm-mailing-our-loved-ones-pictures-of-us-looking-like-this. Each of these had some sort of theme, such as "We're horrified by this process," or "We're pensive." Their unifying theme is now "We're blooper shots."

Version 2: The close seconds. While none of these ended up in the final product, we gave some thought to including each. It turns out we are quite good at taking pictures of us kissing, but not so good at taking pictures that aren't direct smile-at-the-camera shots. We'll keep working on it for the slew of couple shots we have coming up in the next few months!

**thanks to Vader Prime for taking all these pictures!

Holidays and completed wedding tasks: r=.99

Go ahead, look up what "r" means. Or better yet, read here.

I am REALLY looking forward to the holidays this year! I love family gatherings and holidays in general, so this is not particularly news. However, since the holidays (Thanksgiving and Christmas, more specifically) also mark our longest periods of time spent in Maine, we are fitting in several wedding tasks to our time home before and after each holiday.

This weekend when we're not stuffing ourselves full of turkey and green bean casserole we will be taking photos for and creating our save-the-dates. And, though I never plan on any Black Friday deal snagging (I love saving a buck, but HATE throngs of people fighting over gifts), if we find ourselves within the vicinity of a craft store I may be unable to look the other way. Either during Thanksgiving break or Christmas break I am also hoping to secure the hair and/or makeup services of my childhood hair-cutter for the day of the wedding.

Over the Christmas break, we will be taking our engagement pictures! I had initially dreamed up photos of us in sweaters in an apple orchard, but since the first photographer cancelled we had to reschedule the appointment with our new photographer. We are hoping it snows in Maine before then so our engagement pictures are filled with snowball fights, rosy cheeks, and mittens rather than dead grass, dead trees, and frostbite. I am also secretly hoping my dress arrives before Christmas so that I can try it on and coordinate fittings with a hometown seamstress.

Finally, it looks like over Martin Luther King, Jr. Day weekend we might be doing our tastings for our menu!  We have been looking forward to this for a year now and it will be nice to choose the food. Currently we are  trying to narrow down our choices from which the chef will select a few options, and that is stressful enough!

This year in addition to friends, family, and overall happiness and healthiness, I am thankful for my teaching career and the short breaks it affords me this time of year to get wedding tasks done. And to work off the pie.

Happy Thanksgiving everybody!

Ring drama

A few days ago Jared (the store, not a person) sent us a flyer advertising a sale this weekend for past customers. We had originally planned to look at wedding rings closer to the wedding, but as the flyer suggested we might be able to save $200 on rings we headed out to Burlington, MA this morning armed with the coupon. Also with no breakfast, which probably made matters worse.

Vader knew exactly what he wanted, and that's what we got. Here it is: 

I didn't have a specific idea of what I was looking for, so I went in with a few ideas and tried on a lot of rings the saleslady suggested. The plain bands were overshadowed by my engagement ring while bands with a continuous row of small diamonds looked very strange on my finger. Luckily Vader knew what I wanted AND has excellent taste, and when I tried on his third or fourth pick I was happy to see that it had the "interesting" factor I was looking for without being too much. Here's what I chose:

We were happy with our choices and ready to find some lunch and head home for some football, but with Vader's giant fingers it became apparent we would have to special order his ring to fit properly. The $$$-saving deal seemed like it would still work, but after a lot of confusing conversations with our saleslady we began to feel uncomfortable with the arrangement. Basically, had we bought the rings today we would have had to: 

• buy my ring
• buy the wrong ring for Vader
• hope the main customer office for the chain would let us combine the orders to get interest-free financing for one year
• rely on some person's confirmation over the phone that we would be able to exchange the "wrong ring" for Vader's special order ring when it comes in
• hope that the price for the larger-than-standard-size ring wasn't much more than the ring we saw.

It was too risky for us to justify saving a bit of money, but our saleslady wasn't hearing our "no". She concocted several schemes for how we could save the money AND secure financing without interest, each of which relied on a mysterious person's confirmation over the phone to the saleslady with no written guarantee. As my stomach growled audibly and Vader grew visibly more annoyed, she continued to push the sale and we dug in our heels. Though she never understood where we were coming from (and continued to try to convince me to buy both rings while Vader was searching for coffee), she finally heard our emphatic "No!" and cancelled the sale. So, we left with no rings. However, we did order Vader's special order ring and we'll buy that and my ring together when it comes in. And, since we were there, we left my engagement ring to be resized (again!) and cleaned. 

The adventure was not entirely unproductive, but we sure wish we could have those hours of our lives back. With any luck our next Jared experience will be quicker and easier! 

To do 'til "I do"...or at least 'til 2013

I LOVE making lists. Preferably on post-it notes lined up parallel to each other and the bottom of my desk, despite Vader's and my students' best efforts to foul up the lines. I'm the sort of list-maker that puts things like "make to-do list" or "eat breakfast" on the list to immediately cross them off. In fact, I made my bed daily in college largely so that I could put "make bed" on my to-do list in between "write 12 page paper" and "read 300 pages."

I digress.

Wedding websites/blogs/magazines/vendors also love making lists, and have published several in hopes of helping future brides stay organized and keep on track with wedding planning. Most of these pre-made to do lists start at 12 months out, and so for the last two years (As of this past week we have been engaged for two whole years!) I have been twiddling my thumbs and making my own list with items such as "deter Vader from Star Wars planning" on it. Since this summer, however, we are finally able to use a canned to do list to help keep track of "traditional" wedding decisions.

Now, some lists are better than others. A popular wedding reference site, TheKnot, composed a list for me. On it are items like "take dance lessons" and "make a list of family wedding customs" which just aren't going to happen. It also thinks I still have 155 things to do before the wedding, and that I have only thus far completed 19, so I may be biased in the interest of sounding productive.

Another wedding planning site (Real Simple) has a comprehensive to do list that features my favorite item: "reserve structural necessities." The Portland Club features a roof, a foundation, AND walls, so that's a big check off my list!

My to do list of choice which I am using to keep track of our wedding decisions is a pull-out 12 month calendar planner from Real Maine Weddings. At eight months and 1 day out from the wedding, we have accomplished a lot of the tasks this list says we should have by now in our planning. I was, however, surprised to find that we were behind in some areas!

So, here is my to do list for the end of 2012, partially inspired by Real Maine Weddings ideas. And, for good compulsive-list-maker measure, a few items I've already done.

To do:

1.) Mail save the date cards (...and create them...)
2.) Order wedding gown
3.) Determine ceremony music
4.) Order (decide on, really) bridal headpiece and shoes
5.) Choose bridesmaid gowns (pending!)
6.) Choose the wedding party
7.) Keep making decoration-type crafts
8.) Select attire for the kids in the party
9.) Enjoy holidays with our families while not consuming my weight in fudge and/or egg nog.

Which one is that?

Though Vader knows who my bridal party is composed of, even he is having trouble keeping track of everybody's blog names. Since most of you don't know them, I thought I would introduce them a bit and explain where their silly nicknames come from.

First: why the names? The answer is threefold:

1. I read far too much Weddingbee.
2. Our friends and family didn't sign up to be featured in a wedding blog, so silly names allow them to remain anonymous to the rest of the world.
3. Why not? 

Now, who are they and where did their names come from? Read on!

Maid (Matron) of Honor Moxie: My big sister who has looked younger than me since I turned 14, this true Mainah loves her flannel and Moxie (a disgusting soda recently branded the official soda of Maine). She hates dresses and girly things, and therefore must really love me to be willing to stand beside me and hold my stuff during the wedding! She also, conveniently enough, now has a family of her own. Her adorable children will be featured in the party as well.

Bridesmaid Comic-con: Vader's little sister by only a year, she can give me all the dirt on her brother I don't know already. She is a video game aficionado, and keeps Vader up on what games he should play when she isn't keeping me snorting with laughter inappropriately at family functions. She's a little too helpful in the Star Wars-themed wedding plans, and risks a frilly pink bubble dress should she continue to suggest Leia costumes and the like...

Bridesmaid (-matron?) Madonna: This lovely lady was my roommate in college for a year and a half, and began our relationship suspecting that I was a cheerleader based on my discussing pink room decorations. Over the years we have had a lot of adventures, the biggest of which has been her wedding this past summer. Why the name? Well, she wrote her college thesis on how Madonna queered every categorical variable you can think of, and we all listened to (with varying amounts of agency in the decision) so many Madonna facts/songs/videos that we can't take it anymore!

Bridesmaid Irish: Red-headed (well, reddish blonde), Celtic-music-singing, best-potato-roll-baker-of-all-time, this friend of college origin was the easiest to blog nickname. She's done more than her fair share of weddings lately: listening to the details and helping plan for BM Madonna's wedding and now helping me with my own, and she's done it all flawlessly! 

Bridesmaid Cupcake: Though she originally pegged me as "loud and obnoxious", this college friend and I bonded over a shared love for brass instruments, cake decorating, and falling asleep during movies late at night. When she's not solving the world's medical problems one cell at a time in New Haven, she is experimenting with new flavors and combinations of cupcakes. Hence, the name. 

And those who you'll be hearing about soon...

Bridesmaid Flamingo: Though we originally met in elementary school Sunday School, we officially became friends during a very animated pre-calculus class. We couldn't stop giggling in school or at church, and haven't stopped yet. Our most epic adventure involved filming a Sound of Music rip-off in Salzburg. During college and study abroad we got sick of signatures on e-mails and decided instead we would just write different iterations of the letters/words in Flamingo, which is where her name comes from. My favorite variation remains Flamin' Go. 

Bridesmaid Fairy (Tale): This friend and I have traveled A LOT together. We toured Europe, went to the 2010 Olympics, and road tripped to Maine more than a few times during college. Though she lives on the other side of the country now, we still see each other fairly often thanks to friends getting married and her prowess at conference presentations. While she is fairy-like in that she is very small and dances up a storm, this bridesmaid's name comes from her field of expertise. She studies all things fairy tale, and is currently after a Ph.D. in hopes of someday teaching college kids about the greatness of Beauty and the Beast. The (Tale) is in parentheses because Bridesmaid Fairy rhymes well with....

Bridesmaid Hairy!: The final female of our college clan, her body hair (thus the name) is a topic of conversation almost as much as her love for dinosaurs and wearing head to toe purple. She is currently in the Midwest finishing up her Master's degree (hooray!) in plants and stuff and secretly hoping to someday star in a Bollywood film. Thus far into our friendship she has only been comfortable in Maine when wearing three sweaters and an L.L. Bean parka, so next summer's extravaganza should be an interesting experiment. 

There's the bridal party! Plus a junior bridesmaid, who I'll have to think up a name for. She has very specific wants for her junior bridesmaid look, so maybe she'll be specific about blog name requirements. Do eight year olds know what a blog is? 

Someday Vader will think up some names for his party (trying on dresses is much more of a production than getting suits) and I'll introduce the groomsfolk. Until then you'll have to live with the teaser that was Groomsman Peanut Butter's introduction in my last entry!

Bridesmaid Dresses, v.2

Sandy threw a wrench in the plans of some of my college friends and I this past weekend, re-routing to avoid  underwater subway navigation and HOV limits that would prevent us from driving into Manhattan. Flexible adventurers that we are, we instead invaded the apartment of Bridesmaid Cupcake for a weekend of relaxation and falling asleep in piles even though it was 3 p.m. Clearly we've all gotten old.

When we gathered the energy to explore downtown New Haven, we hit up a local dress shop so Bridesmaid Madonna (technically Bridesmatron, which I intend to keep calling her because it sounds so absurd) could try on dresses and help narrow down the girls' selection. The shop had the coolest dress-trying-on experience I've seen so far-we all trudged down a narrow hallway that ended in a private dressing room with a wall of couches for ideal judging viewing. Luckily BM Madonna has no problem with a bit of exhibitionism, so we all sat around and watched her try on the favorites of the other girls and chime in with her own opinions. Her standards were high: twirly skirt and straps. We now have two front-runner dresses so far with three bridesmaids to go. I'll keep you updated when the decision is made!

Though the dress experience was as girly as in the past, featuring myself and bridesmaids Irish, Cupcake, and Madonna, we were joined by a blog newcomer: a groomsman! Groomsman Peanut Butter (Vader thought I should call him Sexy McBeast, but it seems a little awkward...) decided that sitting around with friends watching his wife try on dresses was a lot of fun! Four years of college with a tribe of girls prepared him well for the experience, and he was a valuable resource. Until he chimed in his support of sword gifts...

In all seriousness, Madonna and PB WILL be and already have been a terrific resource of all things wedding, as it's only been a few months since their own nuptials and we have so many questions.

I'm looking forward to sharing more about the groomsman (and groomslady) as we get closer to the wedding and we start making suit decisions and the like. 

**Officiant Ewok, I haven't forgotten about you, but writing about your role in the wedding would mostly involve making a long list of things I have no answer to. More on the ceremony details later...

Hurricane Productivity

It turns out there's nothing like a storm day to get me moving on wedding crafts, and I got two! Due to Hurricane Sandy and power outages at school I have had a nice, relaxing couple of days at home to get caught up TV, fun books, and wedding-related projects. Here are the projects I've completed since Sunday:

1.) Table numbers! This was by far the most craft-intensive of the bunch, and thankfully Gauss* kept mostly out of the way as I laid paper, frames, and flashcards all over the floor.

2.) Chalkboards for use in our Save the Dates! This project really only involved writing three words and a date on two chalkboards, but it took me forever before I approved of my own handwriting on all of the boards. We're hoping that soon we'll actually get our Save the Dates ready to send...

3.) Candy Buffet labels! This spur-of-the-moment project was the result of several well-sized scraps of differently patterned paper I used for our table numbers. When we know what kinds of candy we will have I will fill each label in and attach a ribbon through both sides of each label to tie around the jars.

4.) Address List! This would not only be the world's most boring photo, I'd be handing out personal information of everybody we love. Use your imagination -- it's a Word document, full of addresses.

5.) Wedding share site! Again, super boring. Right now it's a Shutterfly site with a whole lot of stock photos of strangers since we have no pictures to upload yet. I'm excited for what it will look like next August, however!

I had so much fun making all of these crafts that I completely neglected my Halloween costume for school tomorrow, so my belted toga will be a clothesline-tied-shut tablecloth, but it was totally worth it! After 2 years of waiting, it's nice to feel like we are actually moving forward with wedding plans and crafts.


*Yep, our cat is named Gauss. Look him up to learn just how nerdy we are!

Teenage Wedding Planners

As a teacher of very small classes, I get to know my students pretty well. And on days where they'd rather chat than do their work in Tutorial (like homeroom), they get to know me pretty well. At this point all of them know that I am engaged and will be getting married next summer. For my seniors, I have been engaged for all but two months of my time teaching them over the years. A past student jokingly started a rumor that I had a secret wedding over the summer of 2011, and that stuck for a few weeks until a student aptly noted that there was still only one ring on my finger. As the date draws near, they are starting to ask me more questions about our big day, and are offering PLENTY of suggestions. Here, in no particular order, are some of my favorites:

1.) That I should have a cotton candy machine AND a popcorn machine for the reception. I asked if I should also rent an elephant, but the kid didn't get it...

2.) That we should get married while skydiving.

3.) That my bridesmaids should wear short, tight, zebra print dresses with a pink sash*.

4.) That my first dance should be to "Tonight" by Fun. Barring that, it should be to a Chris Brown song.

5.) That I should invite my students to the wedding, having them take part in the ceremony.

6.) That I should have announced my engagement to my Juniors by encoding the message "I'm engaged!" in a matrix and having them decode it. I liked this idea a lot, but the idea occurred to all of us AFTER I shared the news.

7.) That I should let my former Cake Decorating elective students bake and decorate my wedding cake.

Somehow, my students don't understand why I don't plan on taking any of their ideas. Two are plotting on how they can crash the wedding, and I'm counting on their lack of driver's licenses if they manage to figure out the details.

*I plan on holding this as a backup for unruly bridesmaids.

Dresses and dresses and dresses

This past Saturday was a lovely fall Maine day full of moms, sisters, and dresses. My lovely mother and sister, as well as my future-mother-in-law and future-sister-in-law, all joined me in first selecting bridesmaid dress options and then choosing a wedding dress.

We started at Andrea's Bridal in Portland to look at Alfred Angelo dresses, where a very nice lady helped technically matron but it makes her sound old Maid of Honor Moxie (my sister) and Bridesmaid Comic-con (Vader's sister) humor me by trying on dresses of all sorts and colors to figure out what they prefer. Since my sister hasn't put on a dress since her wedding and my future sister-in-law has never gone shopping with me, I half-expected revolt mid-appointment. Things went pretty smoothly, though, and both found a style they like. So far the bridesmaids vote is all for one dress, so it's still up in the air on whether there are mixed dress styles or not, aside from MOH Moxie who gets to be special. Since she is 100% responsible for the cutest members of the wedding party, I guess we'll let her pick the dress she likes most...

After a long lunch with breadsticks aplenty, we moseyed over to David's Bridal in South Portland for me to try on wedding dresses. Sure, they're a chain. Sure, I probably could have gotten champagne and more personalized attention at a smaller boutique. I like the experience of fitting into the samples and not paying thousands of dollars for my dress, however, so David's it was. I'll let the pictures (and my faces in said pictures) do the talking:

1.) First dress I tried on. Not really what I wanted, but it fit! And it had pink!

2.) This dress was BORING

3.) Vader's mom thought this one looked like lingerie:

4.) I described this one to the consultant as "monotonously interesting," which she found entertaining













5.) This chick next to me kept stealing the dresses I wanted to try on. The family was dreaming up "accidents" to get the dresses back, but luckily she finally picked one. Here's the one she picked:

6.) This dress had so many layers I got stuck getting into it, and could apparently be heard chuckling at myself from outside the dressing room.

7.) This dress was SO PRETTY. According to my consultant person, I said this a lot.
















These dresses were all beautiful (and some that were not-so-beautiful didn't make the blog photo cut), but the one I chose is actually not on this list! I tried on THE dress third or fourth among these, and was comparing each to that dress as soon as I put it on. Some decisions were harder than others (#7 took minutes to overrule, while #2 was never even a consideration), but ultimately the dress I chose featured elements of all of the dresses I've posted. Conveniently, it also matched my mom's wedding veil perfectly, and I'll be wearing both next July. My dress is comfortable, pretty, easily wear-able, and at least for now a secret. If I don't keep a few surprises up my sleeve, what will our guests have to look forward to?

Weighty Matters

In the spring of 2011, bridesmaids Madonna and Irish and I went on a wedding adventure. Bridesmaid Madonna was starting her search for a wedding dress (she got married this past summer), and we set off on a girly adventure full of brunch and dresses. We first headed to Vows in Watertown, where the girls convinced me to try on a few dresses for my then-two-years-away wedding. Not knowing anything about wedding dress sizing, I grabbed a few and took them to a dressing room where I discovered that I did not fit in a single one of them. The frazzled consultant grabbed a dress that I would actually fit in, and when I saw the size on the tag the panic that set in took a fair bit of time and chai to settle down. The large selection of plus size dresses at the David's Bridal we went to later that day certainly gave me more options, but did no more to ease my own embarrassment about my size. 

I was heavy my whole life, loving brownie sundaes and french fries and finding as many excuses to get out of gym class as possible. The dining hall Ben and Jerry's and Monday mimosas in college certainly didn't help, and the novelty of adult life (why yes, I will have cookies for lunch) took a while to wore off. The idea that my habits would kill me much quicker if I continued along that path, combined with a burning desire to be a confident bride, made me turn things around in the summer of 2011. I tracked my eating, dusted the cobwebs off our elliptical machine, and started my journey toward feeling deserving of Vader's plentiful compliments and reassurances. 

Tomorrow morning I'll run 2.5 miles without dying walking, then have a balanced and low calorie breakfast, and then daydream all the way to work about how different next weekend's adventure will be compared to the spring of 2011. And that's because....

...I'll be going wedding dress shopping on Saturday! And with 90 pounds less of me than there was two years ago, I'm over the moon excited to find a dress I feel great in without feeling the need to hide behind it. 

In Memory

This weekend we were abruptly reminded of a topic not at the forefront of my mind most days: those who will not be attending our wedding. Vader's grandfather passed away late Friday night, and the family will say their goodbyes this week. Grampa Bill lived a long and happy life, and he will be greatly missed by all.

Between the two of us Vader and I have grandfathers, grandmothers, and great aunts and uncles who are no longer with us and we have thought long and hard during our engagement and particularly this past weekend about how to memorialize them during our wedding ceremony. We want to celebrate their lives and the love we shared with them without weighing down the hearts of those closest to them during a (we hope) joyous occasion. Many couples before us have created various memorials to family members during their weddings, and we turned to the Internet for subtle yet meaningful suggestions.

A popular memorial is to have a single rose or other flower displayed during the ceremony for each loved one no longer with us. My sister did this at her wedding and it was very touching when the flowers were presented to the spouses of those being memorialized. However, with a giant wedding party and my wavering on whether or not we'll have programs, I fear this type of memorial would be lost in the chaos and would go unnoticed.

Several other folks have held moments of silence during the ceremony, which seems a bit somber for the occasion. Others have included jewelry for the bride or on the flowers from those being remembered, but with our crowd being overwhelmingly male that seems a little unlikely.

Cobbling together ideas from several people and magazines I've decided that we will honor those we've lost in a way that focuses on celebrating our time with them rather than mourning our time without them. Vader and I will take lessons from our families and their relationships as we begin our own family and for many decades afterwards, and we want to honor the forming of those families by featuring wedding pictures from our parents and grandparents on all of the sides.

Something like this, but all wedding pictures

 In our venue there is a grand piano that is useless except for being a surface, and during our ceremony and reception that piano will be covered with wedding pictures dating from the early 20th century to the early 21st century of weddings from my and Vader's families. We hope this display will honor the marriages and lessons we've learned from those of our family members who will be attending the wedding and will memorialize the relationships that built the foundation for ours.

Boys and weddings

Yesterday Vader had his second taste of wedding madness in the form of a bridal show. We went to a Southern Maine bridal show once coming back from a holiday with family, and mostly just learned everything in and around York costs $20 bajillion dollars. So when The Great Bridal Expo sent me free tickets via e-mail, I managed to wheedle Vader into accepting with promises of a short enough trip to not miss the Pats' 1 p.m. kickoff.

Having done the whole shebang (read: fashion show, talking to every vendor in the place, signing up for prizes and getting weekly calls from Mary Kay since) a few months ago at a show with Bridesmaid Madonna, we had one mission: coupons. Since I'll be headed to David's Bridal in a few weeks for dress hunting, I was hankering for the $50 off a dress card I knew would be available. And since we were there anyway, we found similar deals for Vader and his boys' options. And cake samples :) And as promised, we were home, Gronk jersey and all ready for the Patriots to take half a game to remember how to play football well.

As a whole, Vader is a man of few wedding opinions. He chimes in when it counts: the open bar, the billiards room, and the bar crawl are all Vader's brainchild. It took him months to inform his groomsmen who they were and he thought an acceptable flower budget started at $30, but our wedding will be a party from start to finish courtesy of my future husband. Of course, he has his moments...the other day we spent an hour discussing sword gifts but his response to "Do you want the guys to wear matching ties?" this weekend was "Stop, stop, too many questions!" 

My Vader: a wedding anomaly. I wouldn't let him near a glue gun in a thousand years, but his vows will probably blow mine out of the water. 

ARGH

Earlier this afternoon, I got a message from the photographer I found several months ago and booked that said "blah blah, I won't be doing your wedding or engagement shoot [scheduled for a week from now], blah blah, refund."

Yes, we've got nine months, but everybody that's been recommended to me since has been booked already or costs $2000+. Since we had $500ish budgeted for wedding photography, spending more than 200% of that budget isn't going to work.

So anybody reading this who has had/been in/been to a Maine wedding recently: any affordable photographer recommendations? I'm looking for decent quality, nothing fancy, and printing rights to the photos.

Thanks!

Girlishness

I believe I've mentioned this before, but I've got a crap ton of bridesmaids. Yes, it means the wedding party will be huge. No, it doesn't mean everybody I love ended up in the wedding party. Yes, it means finding bridesmaid dresses will be a pain in the ass.

This past weekend I ventured out to the lovely town of Dedham (strip malls and more strip malls) with two bridesmaids to have a first gander at Alfred Angelo bridesmaid dresses. I'm looking to select a few styles with the same fabric and length, then let each girl choose the dress they would most like to wear of those styles. This weekend I learned that bridesmaids Irish and Cupcake (I'm kind of into inventing names for people, so hope you don't mind them girls!) look good in everything AA makes in short chiffon dresses, but they managed to pick a few favorites. Their top choice was this one:

Just kidding! Sexy as they are, they went with something a bit less reflective. Both liked mainly halter dresses with slight bust ruching. Once I've had a chance to go shopping with more of the girls I might post some overall top picks, but for now I'll keep you all in suspense. 

With the hard work done, we then went shoe shopping. And clothes shopping. And ice cream shopping. It was a great day :)

A side note: I keep looking at Pinterest wedding ideas, and have so far decided I like candy buffets, s'more bars, and ice cream sundae stations. Do you think it would be a problem if we only served dessert at the wedding as long as there are copious amounts of all of it?

A pointed conversation

Some of the difficult conversations Vader and I have shared so far in our wedding planning:

• How much can we afford to spend on a wedding? 
• What are our religious commitments (or non-commitments) to the wedding?
• How many guests is too many? Who should be cut?
• Are weapons as groomsmen gifts a bad idea?

...yes. You read that last one right. When Vader brought up the idea of personalized swords as gifts the other night over cocktails, I was 98% certain he was joking. So was he, until a Google search proved that swords are not hundreds of dollars apiece as I had originally hoped thought.

So now as we wait to progress in wedding plans over the next few months, I find myself Googling the distance to the nearest hospital from where we will be staying in Portland next summer, picturing bachelor party flesh wounds. 

I'm opening this one up to the peanut gallery. Swords: most epic gift ever or extraordinarily stupid? And more importantly, to my bridesmaids: will you ever forgive me for not matching Vader's plans and gifting you weaponry?

How much God?

As a young child, I walked down the aisle of my home church A LOT. It was usually in December, I often had tinsel lying on my head, and my processional music was usually "Angels We Have Heard on High". You see, I was a career Christmas pageant angel. During one of those walks it must have occurred to me that I would probably follow in my mom's footsteps one day down that aisle in a wedding dress. The idea lasted much longer than my angel career, and it was a big decision not to get married at the Second Congregational Church in Norway, ME. It was a bigger decision still to not get married in a church at all, and I'm still sorting through the details in my mind. 

I spent most Sundays of my early life at church, meeting new friends, participating in Sunday School activities, and loading up on coffee hour snacks. I loved the songs, I loved all the celebrations, and I loved the community I was so involved in. I say these things in the past tense only because I no longer attend church weekly, though I still love the music and community I experience on religious holidays when I'm at home in Maine. In late elementary school church led me to Pilgrim Lodge, a wonderful UCC summer camp where I would spend weeks singing, dancing, and meeting new friends from all over Maine. In early high school, the church led me to helping provide a family in need with a new, more accessible, safer house. Some of my closest friends were met through the church, and I still return to the church when I am home to open arms and encouraging words from the "church ladies." 

When I went off to college I discovered that one of my new-found friends also grew up in a UCC church, and we attended as often as we could. Though papers and problem sets prevented me from growing as attached to the Middlebury UCC community, I still enjoyed being part of the congregation. As graduation approached and more and more and more snow fell the winter of 2008/2009, this friend and I had a conversation that finally allowed me to understand clearly my own religious views. After 22 years of attending church, I realized that my religious beliefs were primarily this: I believe in God though am unsure of a lot of the "details", and I believe in the power of a loving community all working together to achieve good. Though I am reticent to attend church services by myself in Boston, I still know of the existence of the UCC network and strongly identify with that community. As such, I am religious, but rarely "show it". 

When it came time to determine the details of our wedding ceremony, Vader and I were a little stumped. An agnostic without ties to a church, he was committed to the ceremony being performed by somebody with whom we had a genuine connection, regardless of religious status. I quickly realized how impractical it would be to have the wedding in my home church, which is an hour away from the Portland reception location, and started thinking about other church options or importing a minister. Other churches are EXPENSIVE, and as I feel the most strongly about my religious connection to a close-knit community I would rather be married by someone I feel a strong connection with. Frequent turnover at my home church since I left for college means I never had time to build a close connection with any home ministers, and I found myself stretching for possible officiants. Around this time Vader suggested that we ask a mutual friend to conduct the ceremony, and with more and more time spent thinking about it I realize that having a ceremony personalized to us by people we love will make the day most memorable. 

However, the current plan in no way involves my religious upbringing. We may bring in a prayer or two, which would be a nice nod to my experience with the church. This will leave our marriage as purely a civil agreement, which in practice is all it is. In fact, when religion enters the arena of defining marriage things escalate quickly and my beliefs can easily be used in ignorance to dis-empower others. That said, I just can't help wanting more of our marriage. Is there some way that our union can be both civil and religious, without jumping through hoops? 

Pile o' wedding

After several suggestions from Vader's mom that I check out My Fair Wedding by David Tutera, I put it on the DVR list and would watch an occasional episode. It's a pretty low budget, very predictable show, but I like watching lavish recreations of sometimes ridiculous wedding themes.

We are currently about to move, and have been packing for weeks. Packing is B-O-R-I-N-G, so I often put on TV shows we've recorded to entertain me while I jam our stuff into every box corner I can find. Since Chopped always makes me hungry and there are currently 24 episodes of My Fair Wedding on our DVR, I've watched a whole lot of David Tutera in the past week.

On the show he always asks brides to display everything they have for their wedding on a table for him to then pick apart. The concept seemed like fun, and since I'm packing making a giant mess anyways I thought I would put (one of) everything we currently have in our apartment for the wedding together. Here it is:

It's a little depressing to think how much time/money/online shopping/beer processing has gone into such a small pile, but I also think it's a great representation of Vader and I as a fun, geeky, creative, and classy (??) couple. Looking forward to seeing how this pile grows, what it will have to say about us together as it grows, and to attempting to fit the growing pile into our new and smaller apartment. 

Name(s)

When I was in seventh grade, I had an L.L. Bean backpack with my initials monogrammed on the front. At least once a week some kid would yell "hey, your initials are Saturday Night Live!" and I would respond with  feigned shock, because my snarky little self couldn't help it. 

But they were right, my initials are SNL, which in and of itself is pretty sweet. Though I had my doubts about it growing up, I now realize that my full name is uniquely cool, and I'm not sure what I'm going to do about that when I get married. The name change situation gets mixed up pretty fast in another big decision: children. Here are my current thoughts:

1.) My first name, which has the least significance to me in some ways, is what my students call me. Thus, I won't be changing that. Plus it means princess, which is pretty hard to argue with. 

2.) My middle name is that of my maternal great-grandfather, and is a name that died when his three daughters all changed their names after marriage. It's a source of pride that I get to carry the name on, and someday I will give it to one of my children as their middle name. Until then, I like its uniqueness (though this would be far less of a dilemma if my parents had just named me Sarah Ann or something similarly generic) and don't want it to slip into name oblivion.

3.) My current last name will also die with my generation if myself and my three female cousins (my sister already changed hers) all change our names. Again, not eager to see the name slip away. I had also planned to make my current last name the middle name of another child (we're at 2+ for those who are counting), though my sister just beat me to it with my adorable month old nephew. 

4.) Incorporating Vader's last name into my name is also important to me, so that we have a public symbol of our relationship and so we can share a family name with these future children. Plus, as one of my former students said (with regard to his last name), "It's fresh."

If I want to keep them all, I have 4 names. That definitely won't fit in the little boxes, should I ever have to take a standardized test again. And it will inevitably be shortened to Mrs. Something on mail, so I would need to decide what Something is. And whatever Something becomes, one of the other names would be lost until it is assigned to (future) Vader baby. 

I could hyphenate my current last name and Vader's last name, but then our children would either have hyphenated last names or just Vader's last name. If the kids get hyphenated names, they have to make this decision should they decide to marry and it gets even more complicated. Also, Vader likes this option less. If the kids just get Vader's last name, my current last name will die (on my end) anyway, making the whole thing a little silly. 

AGH! Voilà, my name dilemma. I'm choosing to let it stew until I have to actually make a decision next spring, but welcome any advice in the meantime.

Or, should I just go whole hog and become Princess Consuela Banana-Hammock? 

Projects I won't be doing

As a cheap and  fairly crafty person (of the good-with-a-glue-gun sort, not sketchy) I'd like to make as many wedding details as I can without giving up every ounce of my spare time. Right now I'm planning on making table numbers, paper flower decorations for the candy buffet, and I've already finished the jewelry for my lovely bridesmaids. While I might add a couple of things along the way, these are projects I can definitely finish in 11 months.

During times when I should be working/cleaning/packing, I prefer to surf wedding sites for decoration ideas. Under headings like DIY (do-it-yourself) I find some useful ideas and several hilariously unnecessary projects. Here are my top 3 favorites that won't be featured at our wedding:

1.) "Tears of Joy" packets. These will end up on the floor or in your guests' noses. Then how will you feel about their cost?

2.) Personalized bridesmaid hangers. For that moment when you can't remember which dress in your closet is for the wedding.

3.) Customized "Do Not Disturb" wedding signs. How else will you keep random people from wandering into your hotel room, besides the self-locking doors?

Any other wedding details that, from the guest's perspective, I can cross off my list?

Favors, of the yummy variety

As one who usually wears pocket-less dresses to weddings, I rarely remember to grab favors off the table at the end of the night. Cookie cutters, bubbles, etc. are cute and I notice them when I sit down, but that's usually as far as we go.

The exception? Edible favors! Sure, nobody NEEDS more food after dinner and wedding cake. But those hours of slightly aerobic dancing make me reach for the little candies or homemade cookie every time. As a result, Vader and I will be offering edible favors to our guests in two forms. The first, a candy buffet. They're pretty, they're delicious, and they completely legitimize my five year old self's urge to chow down on Swedish Fish. 

While we hope to Maine-ify our candy buffet as much as we can, we were looking for a way to make our favors more personal. Enter Vader's love for all things beer, my love for DIY projects, and our kitchen floor's love for sticky messes. We've decided that we will make a few different kinds of beer (at the moment we're thinking a fruity ale, a flavored stout, and an interesting IPA) and put them out for guests to grab at the end of the night to remember the wedding fondly. 

Since it had been 3+ years since either of us had brewed beer, and none of it had ever tasted particularly good, we decided we had better start practicing so as to prevent our guests from remembering our wedding while running for the 'loo. So far we have brewed a summer ale that is bottle conditioning and a Russian imperial stout in primary fermentation. Perhaps I'll update once we've tried the beer in proper form (i.e. not warm and flat from the carboy). In the meantime, here's a glimpse into our project until next July!

The kit

 Vader and our very advanced wort chilling system

 Closet/Beer Factory

Photos

In front of a camera I have impeccable timing. Nearly every staged picture I've been in features one of two reactions. The first reaction looks like this:                                           

Many an elementary school picture featured a smiling, nicely dressed, eyes-jammed-shut Sarah. It seems the best way around this is to take the picture just slightly before I expect it to happen. I'll be meeting with our photographer closer to the wedding to ensure that he plans for LOTS of extra shots of each posed picture plan. As part of our photography package we will get digital copies of every photo taken, giving Vader and I excellent blooper material for perusal after the wedding. 

My second go-to photo reaction is to make silly faces that usually involve opening my mouth very widely (read: many, many chins). Here are some of my best faces I'd rather not replicate on my wedding day:

While I'm sure a few of these will creep into our traditional photos (I can only imagine what face I'll pull during the cake-feeding pictures), I'm hoping to keep my goofiness to a minimum in the formal photos. Instead, I'm planning on being as ridiculous as possible in the....

PHOTO BOOTH! I'm incredibly excited that during our reception guests will be able to don silly costumes and take hilarious pictures to then paste copies of into a book for Vader's and my viewing pleasure. It's hardly new at wedding receptions, but who doesn't like cramming into a small box and taking the silliest pictures you can think of with the assistance of a couple of cocktails? 

And finally, here is exactly what I'd like to not look like on my wedding day, though I'm sure it will come through at some point: