How much God?

As a young child, I walked down the aisle of my home church A LOT. It was usually in December, I often had tinsel lying on my head, and my processional music was usually "Angels We Have Heard on High". You see, I was a career Christmas pageant angel. During one of those walks it must have occurred to me that I would probably follow in my mom's footsteps one day down that aisle in a wedding dress. The idea lasted much longer than my angel career, and it was a big decision not to get married at the Second Congregational Church in Norway, ME. It was a bigger decision still to not get married in a church at all, and I'm still sorting through the details in my mind. 

I spent most Sundays of my early life at church, meeting new friends, participating in Sunday School activities, and loading up on coffee hour snacks. I loved the songs, I loved all the celebrations, and I loved the community I was so involved in. I say these things in the past tense only because I no longer attend church weekly, though I still love the music and community I experience on religious holidays when I'm at home in Maine. In late elementary school church led me to Pilgrim Lodge, a wonderful UCC summer camp where I would spend weeks singing, dancing, and meeting new friends from all over Maine. In early high school, the church led me to helping provide a family in need with a new, more accessible, safer house. Some of my closest friends were met through the church, and I still return to the church when I am home to open arms and encouraging words from the "church ladies." 

When I went off to college I discovered that one of my new-found friends also grew up in a UCC church, and we attended as often as we could. Though papers and problem sets prevented me from growing as attached to the Middlebury UCC community, I still enjoyed being part of the congregation. As graduation approached and more and more and more snow fell the winter of 2008/2009, this friend and I had a conversation that finally allowed me to understand clearly my own religious views. After 22 years of attending church, I realized that my religious beliefs were primarily this: I believe in God though am unsure of a lot of the "details", and I believe in the power of a loving community all working together to achieve good. Though I am reticent to attend church services by myself in Boston, I still know of the existence of the UCC network and strongly identify with that community. As such, I am religious, but rarely "show it". 

When it came time to determine the details of our wedding ceremony, Vader and I were a little stumped. An agnostic without ties to a church, he was committed to the ceremony being performed by somebody with whom we had a genuine connection, regardless of religious status. I quickly realized how impractical it would be to have the wedding in my home church, which is an hour away from the Portland reception location, and started thinking about other church options or importing a minister. Other churches are EXPENSIVE, and as I feel the most strongly about my religious connection to a close-knit community I would rather be married by someone I feel a strong connection with. Frequent turnover at my home church since I left for college means I never had time to build a close connection with any home ministers, and I found myself stretching for possible officiants. Around this time Vader suggested that we ask a mutual friend to conduct the ceremony, and with more and more time spent thinking about it I realize that having a ceremony personalized to us by people we love will make the day most memorable. 

However, the current plan in no way involves my religious upbringing. We may bring in a prayer or two, which would be a nice nod to my experience with the church. This will leave our marriage as purely a civil agreement, which in practice is all it is. In fact, when religion enters the arena of defining marriage things escalate quickly and my beliefs can easily be used in ignorance to dis-empower others. That said, I just can't help wanting more of our marriage. Is there some way that our union can be both civil and religious, without jumping through hoops?